In a tale that transgresses conventional lines between fiction and reality, renowned science fiction writer John Barnes finds himself in one of the wildest, most rollicking SF adventures in years.

Barnes's college friend Travis Bismark always brings back plenty of great stories from his job as an industrial spy. This time, over a few beer- and coffee-fueled chat sessions, Travis unravels a tale about his current case too tall for even an SF author to believe: a Gaudeamus machine that bends physics in order to make possible both teleportation and time travel, and how it gets stolen twice; a prostitute who deals telepathy-inducing drugs; five scientists who ride around in a flying saucer in clown suits by day and play awful punk rock by night; hippie kidnappers; and dozens of inventors who master the concept of the Gaudeamus machine and are immediately contacted by aliens offering them their heart's desire in exchange for the right to have their way with Earth.