Everyone seems to think Izzy is fine, but she’s not. Izzy and her mother’s life with Daniel had a fairytale beginning. The fairytale fractured a long time ago but Izzy’s mother can’t/won’t protect them.

“And I get that she’s scared, cos me too. But I’ve been here before, watching her literally throw away some problem she can’t handle.”

Then there’s Jacob from college, who’s blackmailing her by threatening to send photos from that night to everyone.

Izzy used to rely heavily on her best friend, Grace, for support but now that Grace is in love she’s not as available as she used to be. Even when they are spending time together Grace is preoccupied by being in love with being in love. There’s so much pressure building up inside Izzy and she feels alone.

“If I thought it would make any difference, I would scream.”

It’s been weeks since I finished reading this book but this is the first time I’ve actually been able to attempt anything approximating a review. This book was really well written and relatable. Some of its content hit very close to home for me, as if someone told it my address, so alongside my yeah, me too’s came emotions. So many emotions. I thought time and some emotional distance would help me write a well thought out, intellectual review, but it didn’t work that way so I’m afraid we’re all stuck with my feelings.

Not that you can love anything about the impacts of trauma but I did love the way I felt validated as I read. Whenever Izzy described the shame she felt or her self doubt or flashbacks or any other number of experiences that I’ve felt in the core of my being I wanted to somehow surgically remove those things from her. I knew what she was feeling and I knew her thoughts, often before she explained them to me.

“But it doesn’t leave you. Even when your head tries to silence it, it’s still there.”

I loved the concept of the Jar of Sunshine, even though its beauty was marred by its origin story. Unfortunately, even it was realistic; the ways we cope with trauma are inextricably linked with painful memories. Even if we find something that gives us strength, courage or a glimmer of hope in the midst of unbearable circumstances, that wonderful thing still reminds us of what it’s helping us to overcome.

This is a difficult read but an important one. If you have experienced abuse please be safe while reading this book.

“What he did is not who you are, Izzy. It doesn’t define you.”

Content warnings are included on my blog.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Rock the Boat, an imprint of Oneworld Publications, for the opportunity to read this book.