Hearing Bleak Expectations on the radio is a splendidly satisfying experience, but now you can get even more thrills, spills, words and added paper! Bleak Expectations the novel will shortly be available for purchase in all literature emporiums of good repute.

Bleak Expectations recounts the remarkable adventures of young Pip Bin as he tries to make his way in a world made all horrible by the machinations of his cruel guardian, Mr. Gently Benevolent.

WEEP! As Pip is sent to Britain's nastiest boarding school, St Bastard's.

GASP! As our hero suffers misfortunes such as prison, poverty, the workhouse and at least one close relative dying.

SIGH! As Pip finds love with London's most eligible frail beauty, Miss Flora Dies-Early.

FIND A TENTERHOOK AND SIT ON IT! As everything climaxes in a massive fight-and-wedding-filled finale.

Grim circumstances, mistaken identities, nightmarish court-cases, ridiculous names, convenient coincidences to resolve plot problems, over-sentimental death scenes and lots and lots of adjectives: Bleak Expectations is a novel like Charles Dickens might have written after far too much gin.