This is one man's guide to begging for sex, smuggling drugs and pretending to be rock 'n' roll...The one time pirate bass warrior of cock rockers, The Darkness; offers an illustrated alternative self-help book based on the philosophy of disaster: 'How To Be A Bass Player With No Sense Of Rhythm', 'How To Be A Tour Guide With No Sense Of Direction', 'How To Get Into The Closet', 'How To Go From Chateau To Shit-hole', and so on. Just take up what you are worst at, hold on tight, and enjoy the ride!In this off-beat, hilarious, hare-brained manual on fame, fortune and the universe, Frankie offers a unique slant on the bigger questions in life in an attempt to help readers (and himself) arrive at a greater understanding of the world through the excesses of sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll. Thanks to a revolutionary process called the 'Mind Sweeper', devised by his Polish cleaner, he is able to make sense of his life before, during and after 'that band' he played in...