In Garfield’s Guide to Everything, the philosophizing fat cat weighs in on a whole kit and caboodle of subjects, from ecology to astrology, Shakespeare to stupidity.

Sleep — “The best 18 hours of my day”

Coffee — “Mother Nature’s Jumper Cables”

Dogs — “They contain 90% of the world’s drool supply.”

Love — “…is splitting the last piece of pizza.”

Exercise — “My favorite spectator sport.”

Mondays — “The armpit of days.”

Golf — “That’s Scottish for ‘AAARGH!’”