Pieces of batter from the fryer.

A collection of twenty-one very short pieces from the shiny red crayon of Peter Coomber, in his usual dark, humorous - and occasionally puerile - style (if you can call it style).

No animals were harmed during the writing of these pieces, although an annoying mosquito came very close to death. Luckily it found escape through an open window.

A Remembrance Of Things Past: A very short take on the French classic. I can’t believe it had been seven years since I had left work. But the smell of Madelaine brought it all back. Warm and sweaty, with a hint of diesel fumes, and that sharp, sweet scent of aerosols from the body-repair shop.

Boris: Post Brexit, and a group of German bricklayers, calling themselves the Mannheim Executive, have demonstrated the easy and spirited flow of spirit-levels and mortar across national borders - but where has Boris's wooden garden shed disappeared to?

A Zebra Is Not Just For Christmas: The problem with giraffes is they are too tall.

Happiness: Happiness is a small, localised, temporary rupture in the fabric of the universe, whose natural state is misery: misery, in both its pure, high-level form of utter, intense anguish and low-level, grumbling background noise of dissatisfaction.

Emily Brontë’s Goldfish: Heathcliff was given to swim moodily round his goldfish bowl, angrily parting the water and glaring at all outside the confines of his thick glass prison.

Plus sixteen other 'bits and pieces'.

Some obviously fake reviews:

'Je me suis souvenu d'un sandwich au fromage et aux cornichons : pointu et piquant, mais sucré.' - Valentin Proust (May 1915)

'The lack of conflict in these stories is a real nightmare for Four Star Generals.' - Patton, G.S. Jr (June 1944)