Dictionary: A book with a Beginning, a Middle and an End - but not in that order.

This Septic Isle is a dictionary that re-defines 21st Century Britain in the wickedest and wittiest way imaginable. In an age where Spin is King, this super-cynical, irreverant reference book finally tells it like it is, not like it isn't and never will be.

With 2,000 entries, ranging from razor-sharp satire to the downright silly, This Septic Isle is the perfect antidote to our irascible era. Politics, pop culture, sport, the Internet, TV, food, the environment, journalism, sex, PR, consumerism, war, religion, Royalty, terrorism, traffic - no subject is safe. No sacred cow is spared a jaunt to the slaughterhouse.

Conservation - Process by which dwindling areas of natural beauty are preserved for future generations to build

Dead - Not answering one's mobile phone or responding to emails

Empathy - The shared understanding between two people on the same pay grade

Epidemic - The rapid and uncontrollable spread of anything contagious through newspapers

Part-time employee - Full-time employee with a smoking habit, a FaceBook page and an ebay account

Refrigerator - Device for keeping salad and vegetables chilled before throwing them away unused

Threatening letters - MRSA, ASBO, OHMS, GBH, HIV, etc.

Wendy House - Play home now banned from schools for giving children unrealistic expectations of future home ownership

Xenophobia - The Englishman's hatred of foreigners - from the Latin words 'xenos' and 'phobos'

Mike Barfield's updated definitions put the spin in the bin and prove there's one area in which beleaguered Britons can still proudly claim to lead the world: laughing at their problems.