WHEN IT CAME TO WRITING MY AUTOBIOGRAPHY, THE REAL STRUGGLE WAS: WHERE ON EARTH DO I EVEN START? HOW DO YOU PACK A LIFETIME OF CHAOS, CATASTROPHES, AND THE OCCASIONAL MOMENT OF "WAIT, DID I JUST DO SOMETHING RIGHT?" INTO ONE BOOK?

SHOULD I BEGIN WITH THE TIME I NEARLY BURNED DOWN THE KITCHEN WHILE MAKING A CUP OF TEA? (IT WASN'T EVEN BOILING WATER YET!) OR DO I DIVE HEADFIRST INTO THE WARDROBE INCIDENT IN WALES, WHERE I UNINTENTIONALLY GAVE A HOUSE A VERY EXTREME MAKEOVER BY SMASHING A CHANDELIER AND LEAVING A WARDROBE-SHAPED HOLE IN THE CEILING?

HONESTLY, CHOOSING JUST ONE MOMENT IS IMPOSSIBLE WHEN MY LIFE IS BASICALLY A HIGHLIGHT REEL OF "YOU CAN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP" MOMENTS. LIKE THE TIME I LITERALLY TRIPPED OVER MY OWN SHADOW-BECAUSE APPARENTLY, EVEN IT'S OUT TO GET ME.

SO WHERE DO I BEGIN? WITH THE ACCIDENTS? THE NEAR-DISASTERS? OR THE RARE OCCASIONS WHEN I ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING IMPRESSIVE AND NOBODY WAS AROUND TO SEE? TOUGH CALL.

BUT HEY, EVERY STORY HAS TO START SOMEWHERE-SO GRAB A SNACK, SETTLE IN, AND GET READY TO LAUGH AT MY MISFORTUNE. I PROMISE, IF NOTHING ELSE, IT'LL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOUR OWN LIFE!