Jack Schiavone wants to rebuild his life after an embezzlement scandal saw him drummed out of his high-paying advertising job. So he's reinvented himself as "Mr. Mattress," a discount bedding franchisee in Ebbets Beach, Brooklyn. Running a mattress store is a nice, quiet life-until Jack gets sucked into a simmering mob war that pits an ambitious Russian crime boss against a softening Italian don.

Soon everyone is "going to the mattresses."

Jack falls for the don's gorgeous black-sheep daughter, a legal aid attorney, making him the target of a jealous wise guy/lounge singer who's fixated on her too. And his new store manager-the don's gentle, stamp collecting, cottage cheese-eating former consigliere-proves as good at selling mattresses as he was at cooking the books for the mob. Then the Russians put on a show of force, and the don's only recourse is to call on the world's worst hit man: a mild-mannered chiropractor with an innovative killing technique.

When the smoke clears, who will be the don of Ebbets Beach?