One of the most endearing features of sport is its perennial humour. Witness this extraordinary collection of Freudian slips, true confessions, double entendres and unintentional puns which demonstrates that sporting foot-in-mouth disease is far more rampant than mad cow disease.

Players, coaches, commentators and journalists are all represented as well as some famous names who know little about sport but are always good for a quote.

"I wanted to be an Olympic swimmer but I had some problems with buoyancy."

WOODY ALLEN

"The first ninety minutes are the most important."

BOBBY ROBSON

"I was swinging like a toilet door on a prawn trawler."

DAVID FEHERTY

The British boys are adopting the attacking position with Cox up."

DAN MASKELL